when i cannot stand alone...

when i cannot stand alone... You are there to hold me up... when i cannot stop crying... You are there to dry my tears... when i am all alone... You wrap your loving arms around me... when i feel completely lost and dont know what to do next... You are there to guide my way... You are always there! as often as i have leaned on You over the years You have held me up... but right at this moment i have completely fallen... You alone are carrying me... i have no strength left of my own... so i will trust wholly and completely in You...

MY God, MY Savior, the new Love of MY life!

being raised in a Christian home i always believed in God and for the most part had a good relationship with Him. or so i thought. the past few years i have struggled so much with... well with pretty much every aspect of my life. and with that came the downfalling of my faith. now i still always believed He was there... knew it... but pretty much ignored Him. until this past weekend. i would say i found Him again but He was always there... never hiding... just waiting patiently through all of my sins and mistakes... loving me anyway. but i saw Him... in the faces of some very close friends. and i felt Him... when their arms wrapped around me. and i fell in love with Him! having had so much heartbreak in the last few years i finally realized what ive been missing... not just God... MY God, MY Savior, the Love of MY life! i have been spending every spare moment pouring myself out to Him... reliving all the hurt, disappointment, sins, and my personal stupidity. giving Him my heart to hold and heal... so someday it will be whole to only ever give away one more time. to the man He has set apart just for me. soaking Him in... talking to Him all throughout my day... learning that even if He wouldnt have someone for me... He is more than enough. my heart is His now and its much safer than it ever was with me. there have been a lot of tears... but with each tear He is releasing my pain, healing my hurt, breaking down the walls i built, and bringing me joy once again. i am in love!... and He is always by my side, always has His arms around me, loving me through my mistakes... unconditionally in fact. :) i heard a quote several years ago that i didnt understand then... but it is a daily prayer for me now... "a woman's heart should be so hidden in God, that a man has to seek Him just to find her".

love?

lately i have been struggling with the concept of love... there are people i have no doubt i love and love me in return... case in point... my gorgeous sons! :) i realize im a little biased on that opinion but im ok with that... my family and a few close friends as well... i guess i would be stumped on the romantic love part... i knew without a doubt i loved my husband/father of my children... now i struggle with recognizing it i guess... is it because i was so broken hearted im afraid to love anyone else so im fighting it... also i know i will always love steve... he is to this day my best friend and the best father any child could wish to have... will anything ever compare to what i had with him... or am i doomed to never feel complete again... sigh... just some random thoughts of a lovesick woman...

a blessing in disguise!

i have been so incredibly sick the last few days and feeling very sorry for myself... until i sit here recalling the exact events that have happened... yes i was sick and that part was no good... but the amount of love and caring that was shown to me is still a bit overwhelming to me... first off a thank you to steve the father of my two sons... who selflessly took our boys extra days, catered to my every need, and called and texted ALL day long just to be sure i didnt need anything else... my family near and far who prayed without ceasing... and all my friends who helped in any way they could... i can honestly say i saw true love personified in so many ways these last few days... thank you to all who did everything you did! and i hope you all know that i will be there for you if you ever need me too!

everyday life...

ok so here we go with this blog thing... seems easy enough... i feel far too uninteresting to have such a thing as a blog... but we'll give it a shot anyhow... :)